It's Sunday, which means the end of Thanksgiving break is in sight and I'm surprisingly okay with that! Mostly because this means that I only have a week and a half left of the semester. YAY! But as I've been home this week, I have come to a realization. Not one that's new to me, just one I guess I never saw the importance in. So with that, I have a confession. I'm a people pleaser and I have been basically my entire life. I care about people and I like to make them happy and I don't ever want that to change! But, I've come to really see how much that has held me back from not only being myself, but from fulfilling the things that God has called me to do.
In case you didn't read my introduction post, I'm going to college for student ministry and I plan to work in ministry either in a church setting or in some another way after I graduate from college. Being a female and wanting to pursue ministry has brought on challenges (especially considering I'm Baptist) and many of those challenges have brought out the people pleaser in me. This past week I met a lady and I was talking to her about majoring in student ministry. Her response, like many other people I've talked to, was that I better find a man to marry that plans to work in student ministry. Um, nope. I'm able to do that on my own. I have sought the Lord for the past three years about whether or not He had truly called me to ministry. Through all of that, I now know for a fact that God has called me to this and there is nothing anyone can say to convince me otherwise.
My college graduation is finally in sight. I'm planning my internship for next summer and I'm looking into ministry possibilities once I graduate. There's one ministry in particular that I've really been looking into and praying about, but not everyone seems to like it. Not because it's not a good ministry, but because it's expensive and kind of far from home. But here's the thing, this ministry is my heart. It's an amazing opportunity and there is no doubt in my mind that, if this works out, God will provide even greater than I could imagine. But when people doubt, it makes me second guess at times.
I have tattoos. I have one on my wrist, I'm currently working on a half sleeve, and I want more. I'm proud of my tattoos and I love to show them off. I know when I need to cover them up out of respect for others thoughts on tattoos, but like I said, I'm proud of them and will show them off when I can. I know some people don't like them, but I did my research, I studied scripture, and I prayed continuously about them before I got them. But one thing was wrong with this. Despite how proud of them I am, I was too afraid of what people would think that I hid them way more than I would like to. Just so I could please others.
I know that last three paragraphs were a little all over the place, but they all show places in my life where I'm way too concerned with pleasing others. This week made me realize that I need to "keep it real" and stay true to who God made me and to the passions and desires that He has given me. I know God has called me to ministry and I know that is the only thing I can see myself doing. I also know that what God has called me to is greater than the doubts that others have. I refuse to let others keep me from what God has called me to do. I also refuse to hide the parts of me that not everyone likes, like my tattoos. I know my convictions and I need to stand by them. My goal for the rest of 2014 and for 2015 is to stop changing who I am just so I can please others. I will stand up for my beliefs, convictions, and calling, even if it means not always making everyone happy. Because when it comes down to it, using all of my energy to please others leaves me drained and honestly does nothing to help me glorify God.
So, here's to being confident in who God made me and hoping that who ever reads this will be willing to do the same!
With love,
Hannah
